May 23, 2014 Friday

Day 3 of the Fay Moore Memorial Trip South

Plan B – The One Man Paddleout

Today was the memorial service for my mother at the Neighborhood Church in Palos Verdes. That's it in the photo, the building sitting on the cliff. It's the old Haggerty Estate, built in the 20's. The family donated the property to the United Church of Christ in the 50's. It's a beautiful location and building, stone walls and red tile roof sitting right on the water with an incredible view of the Los Angeles coastline. For you surfers, that's Haggerty's the famous surf spot, a fabulous left point break during big north swells, as shown in the photo above that I found on Google Images. Typical of this time of year, the surf was flat and June gloom had its lock on the afternoon with dark threatening clouds, fog and a stiff onshore wind that put a rough texture on the surface.

The service went well, the turnout was modest and three granddaughters (Lisa, brother Dean's eldest daughter, Allison, my daughter and Michele, who grew up next door and whom my mother treated as a granddaughter) gave moving remembrances. The reception after the formal service was a big success. The extended family was together and enjoyed seeing one another and relating stories about my mother.

My brother Dean had organized the day according to my mother's wishes. He showed me a letter she had written years ago regarding her last rites –

One, she wanted to be cremated – done.

Two, she wanted a memorial service in her honor at the Neighborhood Church, the church that she had attended for 40 years – done.

Three, she wanted us to spread her ashes over the sea near her house in Palos Verdes. In 1968, my parents had stretched to purchase a house on the cliff above the south point of the Palos Verdes Cove. For you surfers the cove is Bluff Cove and the south point is the Indicator.

Plan A was to rent a boat, pilot it outside of the Indicator where Dean, Carl and I would spread her ashes. Dean was having problems obtaining a suitable boat. They were expensive, none were available and they were time consuming. King Harbor in Redondo Beach was the closest harbor – a good 45 minutes to an hour boat ride.

"Dean, here's Plan B," I mentioned to him a few days before the service, "I'm bringing down Kevin's and my surfboards and wetsuits. We could paddle out and spread mom's ashes."

"Good idea. I'll get back to you on that."

Two days later I called him. "What's happening with the boat?"

"Oh it's Plan B. You've got it. Sorry about not telling you sooner."

Wow, the pressure was on, "I'm doing it." Several questions raced through my head –

Would Kevin be back in time? He was returning from Stockholm that afternoon. I had to assume he wasn't available.

Can I carry my board and mom's ashes down that goat trail that zigs and zags down a 300-foot cliff to the Indicator? My first thought was to spread her ashes at the point closest to her house. I had visions of me falling spread-eagle down the cliff and spilling the ashes on the rocks below. Second thought was to spread the ashes near the church, at Haggerty's. There is a service road from the parking lot to the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. I could walk down the service road, eliminating the fear of the narrow goat trail, walk across the rocks in front of the Palos Verdes Swim Club (the pool where I learned to swim as a small boy) to the rocks below the Church and paddle out to the Haggerty's break and spread the ashes there. I chose the Haggerty's option, and Dean agreed.

Where were the ashes and who had them? They were in an urn at the mortuary in San Diego and my niece Lisa would retrieve them and bring them to the service.

How would I carry the ashes during my paddle? Due to a weak knee from a high school football injury, I can only paddle lying down, thus I couldn't have the ashes loose on the deck of the board. How big is the urn? – 4" x 4" by 8" according to Dean. Solution was to put the urn in a backpack, strap it tightly to my middle and paddle out lying down. On the Monday before the service I purchased a nylon "day-pack" at REI in Corte Madera. It wasn't cheap, $55, but now I have a good backpack for hiking.

How did the urn open? I didn't want to be in the water unable to open it. I would practice opening it before entering the water.

Where would I change into my wetsuit? I could use the restroom in the church. Towards the end of the reception, I would slide out to the restroom and suit up.

Thus we had a plan – I would strap my board to the top of the car, put my surf gear in the back and drive Kate, Allison and I from the hotel to the service. Lisa would deliver the ashes. Towards the end of the reception I would use to restroom of the church to change into my wetsuit. I would test opening the urn. My brother Carl would assist me down the road and across the rocks, and I would paddle out to the Haggerty's break and spread the ashes.

I had surfed Haggerty's several times when I was in high school, and Kevin and I surfed there once in the early 90's. In the 60's, the three sets of pilings of the old Haggerty's fishing pier were still standing. The break was right at the outside set. All of the pilings are gone now, but I remember more or less where they stood. The last set was visible from the main auditorium of the church and that would be the perfect spot to spread the ashes. That was my goal.

Well, best made plans – right! It didn't quite happen that way. The reception was a big success. The extended family was together and enjoyed seeing one another and thus it lasted longer than expected. At 4:30 the pastor, church staff and the volunteers began packing everything up. Changing in the church restroom was now out of the question. They asked us to move our cars onto the street because they had to lock the gate of the parking lot. Kevin had just texted us, he had landed and was in a cab on his way to the church, and we responded that we would wait for him. At 5 pm Dean was hurrying everybody up because our reservation for the big family dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in King Harbor was for 6 pm.

"Loren, time to do it!"

I changed on the street. Kate held up a towel as I slipped out of my suit and wiggled into my wetsuit. Kevin arrived while I putting on my walking shoes – I brought them for walking over the rocks. I would put on my booties just before entering the water.

Lisa handed me the urn. "Open it up Loren. Make sure you can open it out in the water." The urn was a plastic box with a lid that easily popped off. The ashes were in a heavy plastic bag that was tightly sealed by a nylon plastic collar. With my pocketknife, which I always carry on me, I cut the nylon collar and could touch the ashes. I twisted the bag shut, put the ashes back in the urn and strapped the urn inside my backpack.

Kevin and I marched down the service road, I carried my board and Kevin had the backpack, my booties and a beach towel. I had forgotten how big the boulders were along the base of the cliff. I slowly made my way past the swim club and about half way to the Haggerty's Point Kevin said, "Dad that's far enough." I could see my brothers on the cliff waving at me to go out.

With Kevin's help I put on my booties and strapped on the backpack. I slowly stepped over the rocks to the water. Only small shore break waves were coming in. When a small set wave came in I shoved my board over it and jumped on. There was a stiff breeze and texture on the water, but not enough to impede my paddling. Once in deeper water, I slipped over side into the water to strap on my surfboard leash. I was surprised by how warm the water was – 60 to 65 degrees was my guess. Now I was off and confidently stroking to Haggerty's. A seal popped up close to me to observe what was going on. I took that as a good omen.

About 50 yards offshore, only half way to the outside pilings, Dean, Carl and Kevin were shouting at me to "do it!" So I pulled up, tested the direction of the wind to make sure my back was to it, slipped off the backpack, pulled out the urn, opened it, grabbed the bag with the ashes, said a brief prayer, turned the bag over and dumped the ashes into the water.

I quickly reversed my actions, bag into urn, urn back into backpack, backpack strapped back on, turned towards shore and paddled in. Dean and Carl gave me the thumbs up and Kevin was applauding. As I struggled over the rocks, a small wave caused me to slip backwards and fall on my tail. The wetsuit provided sufficient padding to prevent any bruises. In the fall the backpack slipped off and the urn and plastic bag hit the water and floated off. I jumped back into the water to retrieve them.

From shore I looked back to view the ashes, I expected to see them floating on the surface. They weren't there because they had immediately sunk like stones. Later my friend Marty, a biologist, explained to me that human remains are dense and do not float.

My brothers were impressed and congratulated me, so did Kevin, Allison and Kate. We had fulfilled my mother's wishes. I changed and off we went to the family dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Fifteen people of the extended family had a great time. I'm sure my Mother would agree that this was the perfect way to celebrate her life.